Want to change your life forever.....? Look away now

Self-help books are one of life's great misnomers aren't they? Self-help by its very definition would surely mean not having to enlist the assistance of an 'expert'author to tell you how to live your life. Surely you're meant to do it on your own steam, you know, without any outside help?Recently I was urged to give Stephen Convey's 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,' a whirl, much to my annoyance.I couldn't get past the title without wanting to scream profanities repeatedly in the face of the person who had recommended it, though they'd probably think I was partaking in some form of healthy primal scream therapy were I to do so.Think about this. If, in the moments before death, your life does flash before your eyes is the adjective that you would want to describe that montage "effective?"How can a life be effective? It's such a wishy-washy term, full of deliberate ambiguity, attempting to cover as many facets of life as possible in just one word.The term effective serves to negate any objectors who claim that such publications are actually about attaining financial wealth. "It's not about wealth, it's about effectiveness," they'll bleat. But, think about it, that doesn't actually mean anything. If something is effective it merely means that it works to fulfil the function it was intended for.By that logic the suicide bombers who planned and carried out the attacks on the twin towers were highly effective people. They conceived a plan, prepared for it with cast-iron discipline and executed it exactly as they intended to but strangely they never seem to get mentioned in these books.No, it's sporting heroes this, financial tycoons that and generally more agreeable folk who grace the pages.I suppose, in the main though, while it is generally tosh, it's harmless tosh. The messages being preached are fairly rudimentary - think positively, be focussed, have a plan, adapt your plan, treat others as you would wish to be treated. Yeah, friend, and I'd like to buy the world a coke.What grates is the ridiculous terminology deployed to convolute these simplistic messages. Pardon the paradigms, portals and pensitudes (I made that last one up) but isn't really what's being said the same as that which any teacher will tell you before you sit an exam in secondary school - you only get out what you put in.While objecting to the nature of the self-help genre I believe that the majority of best-selling authors aren't necessarily cynical bastards with the sole intention of ripping their devoted readers off. Most of them genuniely believe that the principles they've outlined in their books can change people's lives. They may help people to think more positively but dressing up that positivity in all the psychobabble is the equivilent of re-inventing the wheel. It's mostly common sense and those without that shouldn't even be trained to harness it in the first place.There is one exception to the harmless but annoying rule as I see it. Rhonda Byrne's 'The Secret,' has shifted millions of copies in America alone and its message of positive thinking verges on the dangerous.Once again setting aside the huge misnomer (it's hardly a secret if millions of people have read it Rhonda) the message is about attaining whatever you truly want to in life. There is a lot of incoherent rambling about the Universe delivering what you need if you can tap into it. I may be paraphrasing but let's be honest it doesn't really matter.The problem is that Byrne doesn't leave it there. It is implied that those who aren't achieving all they want to have only got themselves to blame. The power to change is within their reach but they refuse to use it.I wonder how the continent of Africa feels about this? Band Aid? We shouldn't have bothered. We should have sent them over a few copies of 'The Secret' so that they could see that the reason there are millions of them dying from famine, AIDS and malaria is because they aren't using the secret.'The Secret' does not have any scope for bad things happening to good people. It literally is like saying if you think you can fly then fly you can. Go Dumbo!Unlike most other self-help books this can actually reduce your self-esteem. If your life isn't exactly a bed of roses, and let's be honest if you're reading self-help books then it ain't, the last thing you need to hear is that it's only shit because you aren't doing enough. It's your fault. You are to blame. Yes, you! Things aren't happening beyond your control. It's you who is making your life shit - NOW CHANGE!!!!Most sane people know this is nonsense. While positive thinking never hurt anyway, negative thinking isn't responsible for all the wrongs of the world. Sometimes negative thinking can actually be constructive - thinking of the worst case scenario and preparing for it has probably saved a lot of lives throughout history.So, the next time someone offers me 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' or to urges me to harness 'The Power of Now,' the new-age message I will be delivering to them will be by all means, help yourself just please don't try to help me.